WOW SO....

I haven't updated since September 30, 2009. WOW. A LOT has happened. but I will only tell what needs to be said. I'm dating kyle mckenzie. the end. <3

UPDATING!

So let me catch you up to date....
about 2 weeks ago, I got my baby kitten Benji, However I called him a her and named him Sookie because I thought it was a girl, then found out it was a boy. I came up with the name Benji cuz its part bengal and part tabby hence the benj+i. Lol.





hehehe. Anyways moving right a long...
Then I went to see Dillon because we officially broke up last month or so ago. [I broke up with him.] So anyways I went to his house to see him to see if I still felt anything, but because of my insecurities and feeling alone, I tried to make things better but then when I got there I saw hickeys on dillons neck and he told me they were from stacie, which made me feel sick cuz i hadnt seen him that whole time and he had hickeys. I never got hickeys...
so Idk then we talked and he started telling me that he wanted to sleep around to even make sure i was his "one" and i was all "OHHH YEAH OKAY SURE! GO RIGHT AHEAD!" yeah right! i was all um no wtf eff you GTFO of my car. and blah blah so we fought and then I tried to make it better still until I finally realized its just completely not working anymore, and this is probably us really being over. Because we both are unstable and insecure. mmmmmm not good.

so anyways I tell him that its ok and he can move on now if he likes and all of a sudden he doesnt want to and crap but im not gonna hold onto this anymore especially since I really like aaron anyways. So..

aaron. ^

So anyways I've been seeing aaron recently and talking to him quite a bit. :DDDD
I'll be going to a club called milk and honey tonight with mah bbyboy Frankie and then head over to aarons to seeeee the cute boy!!! :D
Excited!

earlier today I got a text...
It was from my dad...
Not gonna go into detail, it's private. Lol My life, my rules. Don't like it, Don't follow. Lol.

anyways I'm really tired. :(
waaaah

OMG I'm so obsessed!!

Lol. Ok so everyone and their moms have been saying for the past year that this show "True Blood" is SOOOO amazing and I remember I watched it one time and was all omg this is so gay. wth. and SO I decided to start it from the first episode and I thought it was dumb still so I figured I'd just keep watching maybe I'm judging it too fast. So I watched....and watched.....and watched... and finished ALL TWO SEASONS in 2 days. THAT'S how much I loved it. omg.

I really want this lip gloss. D:




Ahhhhhhh, He's so cute as a vampire. Even though hes olderrrrrrrr.... I think hes super hott!!!


and ERIC...something about him makes him... super hott too... omg. lmao.


>':] phew~

and then I realized that I got to see...

Anna Paquin naked... [aka Rouge from xmen.]


which was TMI...

and Lizzy Caplan.. she's really pretty...


...in the show.

and Danielle Sapia. ew.



and my favorite is Lafayette. Lmao hes so funny!

I WANT THIS OUTFIT SOOO BAD!!!

Moving to Washington in December.

I really can't stand living anymore. Especially living here. Honestly there is NO purpose for me here. So why should I even feel that I belong anymore?
So instead of going to THAT extent, I'm moving.
To Washington, with my grandma who actually cares and who ACTUALLY acts christian.
Maybe there I'll have time to think about how to become closer to God and let go of allll the hate I have stored inside for my stupid "father". It'll be VERY hard since I can't right now.
but I'm tired of being pushed around and talked to like dirt and walked all over, and stuff by my so-called "family" they think I am the one who is mean? Do they even go back later on and think "oh, I shouldnt have called amber a stupid ugly bitch whos just dirt and can go fuck herself." oh well. ^_^ no they dont. I have no REAL dad to love and support me NO MATTER WHAT, my mom just likes to walk out on me and ignore me when she's wrong and only wants to hear herself, and lets her stupid ugly no good boyfriend go and treat me like shit while my mom sits there like a fucking queen on her bitch throne.
Tired of not being able to get a job, or get into any classes at school, and not having a car. I'm tired of EVERYTHING in my life, that it's time I move and become someone else. For real this time.
That is all.

omg aaron..

i like aaron so much and i dont know what to do because darla says i shouldnt focus on boys right now which is true but i've always liked aaron so much since school. and like i even broke up with dillon a while back and told him i dont want to get back because i am leaving that space open for aaron. sigh. i dont think aaron likes me back though im weird and idk if he thinks we connect on the same level. but i like how i feel we're into alot of similar things and how he knows what i like and dont like already. its so cool! :D I'm crushing too too hard. sigh... shut up heart.

Do you know what it feels like to not be able to run away?

It's like being in a wheel chair on a freeway. Trying to dodge ALL the cars, and being slow. You can't run, or even push yourself fast enough to get out of the way.
That's exactly what it's like being at my house.
and I'm tired of being here. I'm tired of my mom taking advantage of me and then trying to pin me as the bad guy in front of people and my friends. and laughs about it. Like when we go to the store or my friends come over and she tries to act all superior and says stuff like "Hah. Well lets see you get anything out of me with what you just said." if I say something like "Sup homles!" just playing obviously. then when my friends backs are turned she makes hand gestures and face gestures telling me things like "fuck you you stupid bitch. shut the fuck up." or whatever and I'm tired of how everytime I have to talk to her, she just goes and says something completely different. Like if I was to say "Oh well I like hanging out with frankie cuz.." and then she cuts me off and goes "cuz he's probably going to kill you and you wont know cuz your dumb." and I'm all yeah that's exactly it.
or how when she's wrong she keeps trying to cut me off and then goes "I dont need to argue with you I know I'm right, and you're wrong. and you don't know anything cuz I took 4 years of college and am a professional and youre just a lazy scum who doesnt do anything with her life and dates losers." Yet thats her. it's not like she even knows 1 cent worth of Techonology which actually counts. I swear on my life I'm gonna make a machine that will put her out of a job so she can see how it feels to try so hard and then just always get pushed aside or pushed down and have someone go "well im better than you. :D"

SICKANDTIREDOFITALL.
ugh.